I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
