I think my vagina is haunted
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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