I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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