You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
