The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
