CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
