He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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