I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
