i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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