Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My liver just had a heart attack.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
