My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
