i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
