i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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