my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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