I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
