Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
