I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
