im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
