Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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