Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I faked an abortion last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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