So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
