I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
