You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
