Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
