I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
