I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
