By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Non-Jews are for practice
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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