I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
