Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
