Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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