you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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