Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
