Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (1238) Bad night (3700)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text

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  (503): i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text http://tfl.nu/7lw4
  Replies (5) Good night (4963) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.

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  (316): Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth. http://tfl.nu/ew3b
  Replies (8) Good night (1123) Bad night (3571)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

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  (859): i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey http://tfl.nu/w11j
  Replies (6) Good night (3212) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

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  (406): i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned. http://tfl.nu/dk6w
  Replies (18) Good night (3002) Bad night (1991)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Lube is flammable

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who is this??

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  (502): Lube is flammable (404): Who is this?? http://tfl.nu/y4u7
  Replies (19) Good night (3925) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Not yet.

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  (817): I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous. (512): Not yet. http://tfl.nu/l0rj
  Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy

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  (515): i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy http://tfl.nu/58yw
  Replies (15) Good night (1495) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."

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  (519): University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue." http://tfl.nu/irh4
  Replies (0) Good night (939) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical

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  (651): Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical http://tfl.nu/03xj
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken

  (716): View more from New York

  Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.

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  (615): Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken (716): Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital. http://tfl.nu/50ab
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed

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  (517): I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed http://tfl.nu/w2px
  Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me

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  (607): Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me http://tfl.nu/qp3z
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"

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  (716): Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins" http://tfl.nu/papm
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.

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  (802): You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago. http://tfl.nu/55qx
  Replies (2) Good night (821) Bad night (283)

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