does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.