shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want a musical about memes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
