Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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