i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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