...so i touched it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
