I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
