That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
