i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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