Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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