if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
