Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
