Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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