do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
