i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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