Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
