he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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