how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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