Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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