so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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