There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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