Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
