you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
