So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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