dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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