Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
