called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
