shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
