the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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