dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
