6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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