that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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