I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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