Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
