i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize
