just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
