why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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