dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
