Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My hand turned me down
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
