Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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