Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
