So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
