we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
